Posted by on 2010-12-20 at 16:34  Editorial  Comments Off on lunatic
Dec 202010

[brought to you by an upcoming eclipse..]

For us, it has always been. Equally, it has remained a focal point for emotions like desire and longing, that poets and playwrights throughout human history have visited this place of false light. On its face (or within) would giants seek even the tiniest snippet of inspiration. Its spheroid body hangs lazily, its illumination is both weak and borrowed, void of any warmth. Even still, the moon rocks. Never you mind that pun, weary web-traveler. I’m just a hopeless fan of a stupid rock.

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 Posted by on 2010-11-19 at 20:01  Editorial  Comments Off on misnomer
Nov 192010

[the way bread was meant to be enjoyed..]

George Carlin believed that “the earth doesn’t share our prejudice against plastic.”  To take it further, considering Earth to be a life form, we honestly couldn’t do more than speculate what it would or wouldn’t care about.  Littering, drilling, strip mining, logging…..  Maybe, just maybe, it could care less about all that crap.  Remember, I’m just pulling all of this out of an unseemly place. Still, logic can be fun.

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 Posted by on 2010-08-05 at 16:57  Editorial  Comments Off on thursday
Aug 052010

[acquiring signal…]

The uncertainties of the universe continue to intrigue me; and all the while, creativity allows us to hold some grip of control over a reality that becomes increasingly complicated.  Let us, therefore, give proper homage to a concept I became a fan of overnight:  Power Thursday.

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 Posted by on 2010-08-03 at 02:32  Editorial, Guest  Comments Off on conjecture
Aug 032010

[Two scoops.]

For a while, we assumed that the stars were gods, watching over us.  Currently, we have a better understanding of the physical nature of stars.

For a while, we were drilling holes in people’s heads or cutting out parts of their brains in order to make them “normal” again.  We know better now.

For a while, lesser status was given to certain human beings based on superficial attributes, like skin color.  Some of us still feel the pain of that stupidity.

For a while, some people were stupid enough to think that a style of music could bring down the whole of society.  Okay, some people are still that dumb.

The point remains:  we think we know stuff.

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indecent composure

 Posted by on 2010-07-29 at 04:05  Editorial  Comments Off on indecent composure
Jul 292010

[brought to you by a sudden, world-wide decrease in both size and capability of your sexual organs]

Okay, it’s difficult to know exactly where to begin on this one…

Your penis is too small.

A hypothetical couple returns home from an evening out.  The woman is sexually interested, but the man is too drunk to rise to the occasion.  Lame.

Some lame douche gets lucky at a bar and, inebriated, gets to escort some hottie home.  The deed is over within a couple of minutes and she lays there, unfulfilled and wondering what better selection she might have missed at that last water hole.  Sorry, sweetheart.

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 Posted by on 2010-07-16 at 18:37  Editorial  Comments Off on indignance
Jul 162010

[Caution: inhaling this product will make you stupid.]

Let us begin with a short tale of a situation that undoubtedly occurs a countless number of times throughout this country on any given day or night…  All names used are fictional for two reasons: 1.) I don’t know the actual names of any of these people, and, even if I did, 2.) I’m not entirely without tact.

Sharon is in her early thirties, a middle class mother-to-be showing approximately six months of pregnancy. As she enters the grocery store where I am currently purchasing items, she has two teenage girls trailing her all the way to the beer cooler.

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 Posted by on 2010-02-13 at 15:50  Editorial  Comments Off on cupidity
Feb 132010

[brought to you with limited commercial interruption by We Just Want Your Money, Inc…]

I’m not going to deny the fact that many of my fellow human beings consider me to be negative, and so label me as such. Far be it for me to act in any way that belies my instinct or the way that I feel about the world around me. This being the case, allow me to share with you my feelings regarding “Hallmark Holidays,” which includes birthdays, Christmas, Sweetest Day, and, of course, our most famous, Valentine’s Day…

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