electronaut
[acquiring signal...]
The uncertainties of the universe continue to intrigue me; and all the while, creativity allows us to hold some grip of control over a reality that becomes increasingly complicated. Let us, therefore, give proper homage to a concept I became a fan of overnight: Power Thursday.
[Two scoops.]
For a while, we assumed that the stars were gods, watching over us. Currently, we have a better understanding of the physical nature of stars.
For a while, we were drilling holes in people’s heads or cutting out parts of their brains in order to make them “normal” again. We know better now.
For a while, lesser status was given to certain human beings based on superficial attributes, like skin color. Some of us still feel the pain of that stupidity.
For a while, some people were stupid enough to think that a style of music could bring down the whole of society. Okay, some people are still that dumb.
The point remains: we think we know stuff.
[brought to you by a sudden, world-wide decrease in both size and capability of your sexual organs]
Okay, it’s difficult to know exactly where to begin on this one…
Your penis is too small.
A hypothetical couple returns home from an evening out. The woman is sexually interested, but the man is too drunk to rise to the occasion. Lame.
Some lame douche gets lucky at a bar and, inebriated, gets to escort some hottie home. The deed is over within a couple of minutes and she lays there, unfulfilled and wondering what better selection she might have missed at that last water hole. Sorry, sweetheart.
[Caution: inhaling this product will make you stupid.]
Let us begin with a short tale of a situation that undoubtedly occurs a countless number of times throughout this country on any given day or night… All names used are fictional for two reasons: 1.) I don’t know the actual names of any of these people, and, even if I did, 2.) I’m not entirely without tact.
Sharon is in her early thirties, a middle class mother-to-be showing approximately six months of pregnancy. As she enters the grocery store where I am currently purchasing items, she has two teenage girls trailing her all the way to the beer cooler.
[brought to you with limited commercial interruption by We Just Want Your Money, Inc...]
I’m not going to deny the fact that many of my fellow human beings consider me to be negative, and so label me as such. Far be it for me to act in any way that belies my instinct or the way that I feel about the world around me. This being the case, allow me to share with you my feelings regarding “Hallmark Holidays,” which includes birthdays, Christmas, Sweetest Day, and, of course, our most famous, Valentine’s Day…
[a proud sponsor of higher learning]
Every now and then a scenario is brought to my attention that really gets my gears cranking, mostly hypothetical ones, you understand. This one was pretty fun.
Delusion: purpose?
Suppose someone says “You know, it seems to me that it would just be easier to pick something to believe and go with it. I mean, what’s with all the questioning and evaluating? Really, what’s the point?
from the makers of tuberculosis…
Every now and again, people around me start acting crazy, stupid, or both, and I feel it is my duty to step in and speak out against this nonsense. Now, keep in mind, while I do not have any particular abundance of knowledge regarding the specific details of this situation, I am quite astute at recognizing patterns, and, therefore, consider myself something of an authority on this matter.
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