misnomer

 Posted by on 2010-11-19 at 20:01  Editorial  Comments Off on misnomer
Nov 192010
 

[the way bread was meant to be enjoyed..]

George Carlin believed that “the earth doesn’t share our prejudice against plastic.”  To take it further, considering Earth to be a life form, we honestly couldn’t do more than speculate what it would or wouldn’t care about.  Littering, drilling, strip mining, logging…..  Maybe, just maybe, it could care less about all that crap.  Remember, I’m just pulling all of this out of an unseemly place. Still, logic can be fun.

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indecent composure

 Posted by on 2010-07-29 at 04:05  Editorial  Comments Off on indecent composure
Jul 292010
 

[brought to you by a sudden, world-wide decrease in both size and capability of your sexual organs]

Okay, it’s difficult to know exactly where to begin on this one…

Your penis is too small.

A hypothetical couple returns home from an evening out.  The woman is sexually interested, but the man is too drunk to rise to the occasion.  Lame.

Some lame douche gets lucky at a bar and, inebriated, gets to escort some hottie home.  The deed is over within a couple of minutes and she lays there, unfulfilled and wondering what better selection she might have missed at that last water hole.  Sorry, sweetheart.

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indignance

 Posted by on 2010-07-16 at 18:37  Editorial  Comments Off on indignance
Jul 162010
 

[Caution: inhaling this product will make you stupid.]

Let us begin with a short tale of a situation that undoubtedly occurs a countless number of times throughout this country on any given day or night…  All names used are fictional for two reasons: 1.) I don’t know the actual names of any of these people, and, even if I did, 2.) I’m not entirely without tact.

Sharon is in her early thirties, a middle class mother-to-be showing approximately six months of pregnancy. As she enters the grocery store where I am currently purchasing items, she has two teenage girls trailing her all the way to the beer cooler.

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Oct 122009
 

So, I’m sitting in my apartment tonight, and my Chefmate P70D2AL-D4 Microwave starts beeping randomly. At first it was just a single beep, then a few minutes later it went ape-shit. Scary thing was it first was saying 6:66 then 66:66. The keypad wouldn’t work anymore, and just kept on beeping until I unplugged the thing. Reading around the internet, I’ve found that others have had this same problem with this microwave. Wonderful.

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inquisitive

 Posted by on 2009-05-12 at 05:24  Guest  Comments Off on inquisitive
May 122009
 

[a proud sponsor of higher learning]

Every now and then a scenario is brought to my attention that really gets my gears cranking, mostly hypothetical ones, you understand. This one was pretty fun.

Delusion: purpose?

Suppose someone says “You know, it seems to me that it would just be easier to pick something to believe and go with it. I mean, what’s with all the questioning and evaluating? Really, what’s the point?

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pandumbic

 Posted by on 2009-05-02 at 10:50  Guest  Comments Off on pandumbic
May 022009
 

from the makers of tuberculosis…

Every now and again, people around me start acting crazy, stupid, or both, and I feel it is my duty to step in and speak out against this nonsense.  Now, keep in mind, while I do not have any particular abundance of knowledge regarding the specific details of this situation, I am quite astute at recognizing patterns, and, therefore, consider myself something of an authority on this matter.

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Oct 152008
 

Dear Mr Bob Barr,

You have been doing a huge disservice to the Libertarian Party during this election.  First you snub Ron Paul’s 3rd Party Press Conference and now you refuse to show up at the 3rd Party debates being held this Sunday.  Grow the fuck up and get your head out of your ass,  Mr. Barr.

I have been fighting for and championing greater access to debates for the 3rd parties.  People need to hear the Libertarian platform in these trying times.  You are doing the country a great disservice by refusing to debate other 3rd party candidates.  You are behaving like a petulant child, probably because Ron Paul has failed to endorse you and the fact that Dr Paul has single-handedly blown the LP out of the water in terms of financing and following.

Instead of trying to win over the hearts and minds of liberty loving americans, your campaign has been busy bad mouthing other 3rd party cantidates and alienating members of the freedom movement brought in by Ron Paul.  This is neither the time nor the place for such petty attacks.  Your campaign is really starting to turn off a lot of people in the freedom movement.  I sometimes believe that you are still working for the CIA, as an agent provocateur, to discourage and break up the movement.  Ron Paul scared the establishment and you come in to divide and conquer.

If indeed you are a true Libertarian and pro-liberty, start acting like it.  IF I do decide to vote for your sorry excuse for a Libertarian ass, I will do so in  the spirit of the party and its ideals.  I will not be casting a vote in favor of Bob Barr, because sir, I do not like you.  I  wanted to like you, I’ve tried to like you, but you make it so hard.  You sir, are an asshole.

Even though I endorsed you on my website last week, I now encourage those who cannot look past your problems to write in Dr Ron Paul.  It’s better than giving a vote to you and endorsing your bullshit.

Show up to the debate Sunday.  Win.  Spread the cause.  Shit or get off the pot.